Friday, April 1, 2011


“Very well done Calligula. I liked it because like Arthur I finally got the point. (Actually got it early on.) A point that is so true - that the US is using 'humanitarian' reasons as cover for its real reasons of empire. Where's the no-fly zone over Bahrain, Yemen, Saudi Arabia or Occupied Palestine? On another point, David Pope at the Canberra Times does great poltical cartoons and they appear at scratch media, sometimes recent but often taking time to get them on. Worth a look.”
By John Passant on on 3/20/11

Hello there John –
Good of you to write in.
I have to say that there are no flies on Arthur. Its not that he’s slow at all, rather he likes winning arguments, especially against Django, by winding people up until their rubber band snaps.

It is such a shame that Queensland is so backward and opportunity disadvantaged.
If some talent scout bothered to take the time to watch Arthur at his best they’d snap him up immediately for the diplomatic corps.

With his hands making the foreign ministerial puppet do its dance we’d be so wealthy that even Bob Hawke’s promises would finally have to be met.

Oh Christ – he’s just come in and is reading this over my shoulder.

This is what he says but once he starts he won’t let up –
“Yeah, and there’d be strings attached alright.
Firstly Abbott has to have a compulsory ear-ectomy anna full body wax.
Then every Australian bloke gets a free Harley Davidson at age seventeen.
If he doesn’t want the Harley he can give it to the chick of his choice and pick up a Porsche instead.

An’ pay for me?
All I want is one of these little Gunbus thingies and the cute mechanic they provide with each bike –
Oh, and free fuel for as long as the job lasts.”

He goes on to say –
“That Passant bloke reckons he’s into that tax an’ revenue stuff, eh?
Ask him - what’s the difference between Rudd wanting to give every kid a computer an’ me wanting to give every young adult the means of getting to their work?
As him if he’s aware that scooters chew heaps less juice than cars?
Ask him about the balance of trade – our need to keep the Yanks happy and help pull the Japs out of the cack they’re in now.
An’ tell him while he’s thinking up excuses about that – that a mobile population is a HAPPY population ‘specially when they’re ridin’ scooters – you can tell that, Mr. Passant, by all the BUGS in their teeth.”

See what I mean about winding up people’s rubber bands.
Whoops – he’s back. Hang on.

Right. Here goes again – Arthur sez –
“Goes this way since I have to explain every teensy detail.
Politics -  schmoletics, academia – maca-bloody-damia. They haven’t a clue and say diddly squat unless it is in their own interest – which is never in the interest of the poor bloody peasant.
What this dump needs for us peasants is real jobs – an’ by that I don’t mean plantin’ trees that never get watered or pickin’ stinking rags in some lifeline hell-house which is about the sort of things those politicians ever dream up.
AS far as academics go all they want to do is dilute universities by offering crap onna piece of paper – like Bachelor of playschool forestry or associate degree in textile management.
Poor bloody kids still end by plantin’ weeds or pickin’ rags for-the-dole  – but with a $60,000 HECS debt looming over ‘em all.
Then there’s the chinless whelps of the rich. Do they really need a master’s degree for. Staying awake long enough to snort a line of coke, maybe?”

As he was saying that he stormed out the office – but wait, he’s back with a can of coke, top popped, contents fizzing between his pinkies.

Arthur, like MacArthur, returns -
“Where was I – UuuuRrPp! That’s better.
Yeah. Tell Mr. Passant we don’t need a popular revolution if we have a systemic, systematic,  EVOLUTION.
Tell him its like my can of coke and the ways I can either enjoy it or become pissed off with it.
If I let it cool down an’ open it gently I get on with it and it gets into me.
If I shake it up or open it hot its liable to explode in my face.
If I set a fire under it – it most definitely will explode violently.
No bloody good for me, the mistreated can of coke, or anyone else standing nearby.”

Get to the point Arthur –
“Okaaay  then. Mr. Passant’s coke cans have been out in the sun too long.
They are the product, as someone said, of “the juxtaposition of materialist philosophy upon the ideals of the sons and daughters of Islam”.
An explosive mixture of American gas and their juice has burst out of the respective containers just like mum’s Christmas ginger beer.
Take my word for it that someone should get in there and save the rest of the brew before it gets wasted – ‘cos there’ll be bugger all left if they don’t.
Meanwhile back here in Oz. the same applies – just leaving the good brew underneath mum’s back steps copping the afternoon sun is just fine so long as no-one catches tetanus from all the broken glass.”

“Well, when all that chemical reaction, that gas production, in the brew lets go amongst all those bottles stacked together – its like a chain reaction.
Cripes. I can remember Christmases when we only had a couple of bottles left.
Bloody hell; that was good ginger beer, though.”

Arthur, if you don’t stop prevaricati -
“Microcosm/ macrocosm and ‘humanity like some mould (or ginger beer plant) upon the face of Gaia’ – old cock.
Clearly you want me to give Mr. Passant a rev about my ‘Harley for every male child and bugger the computers policy’, then?
Simple. Scale of engagement – economy of scale – perceived demand replacing enforced demand.”

A ‘say’ thing -
“Say, re-engaging the rump of a once highly governmentally subsidized Australian industry toward producing something infinitely better that everyone wants.
Whichever way the cheese is cut Australians desperately need ‘new-age’ occupations dealing with new-age technologies.
Everyone knows that capitalists don’t want to go in that direction ‘cos their short term profits will suffer – meanwhile any project they take on has to be a long term, heavily subsidized, high risk, overcomplicated venture – otherwise they’ll lose face with their stakeholders.
Yet out there in the real world idiots like us, Calligula, stirring the possum by just going ahead and using our brains.”

What ?–
“Oh, f’r chrissake go back to - and open it up and have a look.
Open the pages and have a look at how he’s making do creating this thing with last century’s engineering plant.
His lathe is the same as what A NON Farmer was using for his defence projects.
Instead of SUPPORTING him they enviously sat there on their tight little arses waiting for him to go broke.
Instead of contacting the halls of governance and demanding that these blokes need help for the sake of our collective economic future – we wait until they sicken and die – so that we might ‘bargain buy’ their life’s work from their uncaring relatives.
We pretend to hate capitalism but respond to opportunity in exactly the same greedy way as did Thomas Edison when he commercialised what he’d stolen from the inventors. A greedy, useless, rich bastard using his money and courts to drive his victims to purgatory.”.

You mean -
“If” - says Arthur – “IF Mr. Passant wants ‘Australian workers’ to latch on to his principles he needs to find a pathway for their astounding skills and ambitions.
Otherwise they’ll just keep managing what they might, migrate to a sea change or a tree change and find some peace by divorcing themselves as best they may from the loonies in Canberra and the capitals.
Meanwhile, by inertia, a whole generation is lost as their kids revert to a sort of perverted nature – feral beyond redemption.”

Sorry John.
This is Calligula again.
I was intending to say that I’d googled Dave Pope’s cartoons and enjoyed them – but that copyright would preclude me using them.

Meanwhile Arthur has spread ‘em (the printouts) with barbecue sauce and eaten them while dictating the above to me.

The crosses we all bear -

Best regards - Calli

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